I’m realizing I can’t live in a shell anymore, that who I am is not someone who lives their life in a corner of the world.
I am not meek, and I pity my old self for thinking she ever was ever weak or couldn’t do something. I pity the self I used to be because I allowed myself to be put away into a box and pretend life was just life and I can’t change anything about it.
Oh how wrong I was.
Life can be changed.
It’s like clay, it can be morphed, molded and sculpted into something different.
It’s like a playlist, you can change your songs depending on your mood, or who you are that day.
Nothing is ever set in stone and I think that’s what I had trouble realizing. I thought that my first love was going to be my forever love, I didn’t realize that what I had wasn’t love. It was a lust and that I’m young. A lot of what I was feeling was hormones and I need to learn that love takes time. It takes a commitment and for it to be a success, you need to be around someone who you can clash and cuddle with. Find someone you can fart on and they laugh out loud with. Be with someone who brings the real you out.
My comfort zone recently has become so small, and now has a claustrophobic feel to it. I want to make something of myself now. I want to work to my goals and achieve what I want. I want to go to college. I want to feel happy and excited over a project. (I’m making a 3D print for my technology class) I want to find my passions and unlock skills. It’s time for me to move on with my life. And it’s okay if I do it alone.
Being alone is okay you know.
Being independent is okay.
Being strong is okay.
And I am all of those things.
I want to be in a position I can take myself by myself. I don’t want a man to take care of me. I don’t want to be cast aside. I want to be in the spotlight making new discoveries and learning new things.
Sure there’s going to be set backs,
Sure I’m going to fall down,
Perhaps I’ll even get broken hearted,
But you know what?
I’ll be okay,
It’s time for me to move on to bigger and better things.